The Tragedy of Fashion

Like most girls, I have always wanted to look nice and have the "cool" clothes.  However, this has never been the case. 

Lets take a mental snapshot of me in elementary school.  My typical outfit consisted of stirrup pants, keds, matching top, and side ponytail.  Even though it was the 80's this was still pretty bad.  I was pretty obsessed with my stirrup pants (you know, the ones that have the strap around the feet to hold them down).  I think I had stirrup pants in every color of the rainbow but my favorite were my purple ones.  I always wore keds shoes because my feet were so narrow and those were the only shoes made for kids in narrow sizes.  They were also slip on so I didn't have to worry about tying my shoes.  I threw in a tie dye shirt every now and then, scrunched up on the side with a rubber-band of course.  I also wore big tube socks in matching colors and rolled them down into donuts around my ankles.  Not scrunched mind you, rolled.  I was quite a site.  The side ponytail was like icing on the vomit that was my outfit.  My hair came down to my butt so I often wore a long high ponytail right on the side of my head, decorated with a matching ribbon or scrunchy of course.

Then came middle school.  I decided to try jeans out for the first time in my life.  I had never worn them previously because I didn't like the feel of denim.  Touching denim is like jeans on a chalk board to me.  I am actually flinching a little in pain just thinking about it.  My middle school attire consisted of high water jeans, platform clodhopper shoes, and a big baggy sweatshirt of some kind.  I remember my favorite being a bright pink sweater with black spots.  I wore that sweater until the holes forming in it were so big half my boob was hanging out.  I also liked the giant black sweatshirt with the neon yellow smiley face on it.  Anything big enough to "hide" what I thought was a hideous figure.  I ended up just looking like a whale.  The shoes didn't help.  I bought my shoes at Bakers so they were the only stylish thing I owned.  I had one pair that were brown platform clogs with flowers stitched onto the front.  They were huge and made a loud clacking noise as I walked down the tile hallways at school.  While my shoes were stylish, they did not go with the jeans and over-sized tops I was wearing.  I was dressed up only from the feet down.

Now consider high school when I went through my all-black faze.  I literally wore black pants every day.  Most of the time paired with a black or otherwise darkly colored top.  I still wore my stylish shoes but what teenager wears black dress pants to school every day?

College caused a huge change in not only myself but also my wardrobe.  I started dressing quite hoochy in college.  Most of the time if my boobs weren't hanging out, my ass was.  It was low cut tops and miniskirts daily.  In fact, I'm pretty sure my bra saw quite a bit of sunlight in those years.  

While my style has changed over the years, my fashion sense has not.  I still love my shoes but have no idea what I am doing when it comes to the clothes.  Anyone willing to give me a makeover and pay for the whole thing would be greatly welcomed.