The Beginning

So, I guess I will start at the beginning.  I was born fairly normal, if by normal you mean 28 days late.  Now, from what I am told by my nursing friend and mother of one, a woman would never be allowed to be 28 days late and would have been induced much earlier.  So my conclusion is that either my mother is a liar (quite possible) or the medical profession has decided since the '80's that waiting a month past your due date is no longer acceptable.  

Regardless, I was a healthy eight pound baby and the first words from my mother's mouth were "she's ugly".  Welcome to life little A, your mother hates you.  After the nurse almost took me from my mother out of shear panic and concern, my mom decided that I was indeed adorable, even if I was squished from having been forced through her vagina. 


My mother has told me this story many times, but the part of welcoming her only daughter into the world that she talks about the most is how much weight she lost giving birth.  Of course, forget the fact that she had just delivered, what I like to consider, the perfect child.  My mother went to the hospital, was starved of food and water while in labor for almost a day, had an eight pound baby plus all of the disgusting after birth junk, was starved some more until the next day and left the hospital weighing exactly the same as she had going in.  Now, I'm not a doctor but I do find it odd that someone can expel eight pounds of baby and not lose at least eight pounds in the process.  Now, anyone that knows my mother knows that she is crazy so I am not quite sure if she is exaggerating this story or if it's just plain weird. 


At least my mother was relieved to find that I was a baby girl.  She had been praying for nine months (ok, ten)  that she would have a baby girl.  Forget praying for a healthy baby, she wanted a girl gosh darnit! She has even told me that if I was a boy she might have given me up for adoption and tried again.  Now, I don't think she really would have done that as she had already picked out a boys name just in case.  Dustin.  As in Dustin Hoffman.  As in Dustin Hoffman from the movie The Graduate.  As in, my mother has very poor taste in men and thinks Dustin Hoffman is hot.  Ugh, thank goodness I'm a girl.


So, welcome to my life invisible readers.  I hope you enjoy and laugh, though not at me.  I am sensitive to that you know.