Let's Talk Clowns

So, every kid loves clowns right?  Wrong, very wrong. 

When I was growing up I had a clown for my birthday every year.  I loved clowns.  I was a kid, kids love clowns.  I even had a circus themed birthday party one year.  My mom made our living room look like a circus tent with streamers and balloons hanging from the ceiling.  All of my guests had to put these ruffly collar things on that were suppose to be clown decorations but just made everyone uncomfortable and look very weird.  We had a clown/magician come with his bunny to entertain.  It was amazing.  Until I went to some other kid's clown birthday party.

I was still in elementary school and I still loved clowns.  The party was at the YMCA and we started by going swimming (did I mention I can't swim).  But, we will save that for another post.  Anywho, after the so called swimming we were ushered into a private party room where there was a clown.  I was psyched; I loved clowns.  This clown thought he was funny; he was mistaken.  He had one of those bicycle horns for God knows what reason and proceeded to chase me around the room honking the horn at me.  How is chasing a child funny?  Explain this to me.  I immediately ran to hide behind my mother in complete terror and this stupid clown had the nerve to continue trying to chase me.  Now, clearly I was cowering and afraid and this clown was completely oblivious.  Welcome to the rest of my life of being irrationally afraid of clowns and of being chased.  I have never played tag again.   


Jump ahead a few years to Disneyland.  The land of happiness and joy right?  Well, I was in love with Snow White and there just so happened to be a Snow White ride.  The ride was awesome and as we were exiting there was one of those statue things of a giant dwarf.  Snow White and her seven dwarfs right?  Well, being as how I loved Snow White I asked my mom to take a picture of me next to the statue.  Can you see where this is going?  I reached up to pretend to hold hands with the dwarf statue and told my mom that this was a very lifelike statue as the hand was warm and somewhat squishy.  Now do you see it?  She was oblivious and proceeded to snap the picture.  As I started to walk away, you guessed it, the statue came to life and started to follow me.  Just like the creepy clown.  Now I was being chased by a giant dwarf.  I again cowered behind my mom and this time the person was smart enough to realize their mistake and apologized for scaring me.  What Disneyland worker thinks it is a good idea to frighten kids?  I mean, really?  


So, now as a grown adult, not only am I afraid of clowns, I am afraid of anyone dressed up in a costume.  Clowns, Disney characters, mimes, sometimes even people at the Ren Fair.  Plus, on top of that, if you try to chase me I am guaranteed to curl up in a ball in the corner and cry.  I hope that clown is proud of what he's done.