Sometime after taking my swimming lessons, or lack thereof, my mother decided that I needed to be more athletic. She decided to sign me up for gymnastics. At the YMCA of course. I'm pretty sure my gymnastics coach was also the same lady that was my swim coach but that's neither here nor there. Since I had never taken gymnastics my mother put me in the beginner class....with five year olds. I was in 3rd or 4th grade at this point so I was AGAIN the oldest kid in class.
After fumbling through a wardrobe debacle (my mom insisted my tights should go over my leotard and I insisted they were supposed to be under the leotard) I breezed through my first class. I somersaulted, I walked the balance beam that was only four inches off the ground, and I even did a cartwheel. Being the oldest, I was clearly the brightest kid in class. I was immediately noticed for my balance beam abilities and felt proud to be singled out. I even learned how to do a cartwheel on the beam which was unheard of in "Beginners" gymnastics. I was on top....until it all went down hill.
I am not sure what happened but one day I got a horrible headache after doing a somersault and then the next time I got one after going upside down on the uneven bars. My mom noticed the pattern and immediately told my teacher that I shouldn't be allowed to do anything that involved going upside down because it clearly was giving me headaches and killing me. My teacher obliged and I had to sit out for most of the class because the whole point of gymnastics is to be able to go upside down and do cool tricks right?
Now, trust me this is related; I don't have my ears pierced. I had a horrible fear of needles as a child and refused to pierce my ears. Because of this I wore stick on earrings. You know, those little stickers that kids used to stick to their ears in the 80's. Well, I always lost my earrings while I was at gymnastics. Since, my mother insisted they were "re-wearable" I had to keep them and wear them again for several days for fear of running out of bright pink glitter circles. If I kept losing my sticker-rings at gymnastics then I would run out and my ears would have to go naked. Since I had nothing better to do in gymnastics class while I was watching everyone go upside down I devised a plan to help keep my earrings and protect my ears from the shame of going undecorated.
Before my next gymnastics class I got out the Elmer's Glue and thought it would be a great idea to glue the stickers to my earlobes. I mean, I couldn't lose them if they were glued on right? How very right I was. When I got home that night I couldn't get the stickers off. My mother refused to help me as a punishment for gluing random objects to my body. I ended up having to rip them off like a band-aid and my earlobes were red and swollen the next day at school. I ended up having to throw the glue covered earrings away after all and my ears went naked for several days. My whole plan had crumbled.
After that shenanigan my mother decided to take me out of gymnastics class. After all, I couldn't really participate anymore since I wasn't allowed to and my mother had, again, run out of funding. So, now not only could I not swim, I also couldn't do gymnastics. I wouldn't hit the good 'ol Y again until years later when my mother insisted we try an aerobics class together...
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